2004-05-11 Freaking out I just watched the new Gilmore Girls episode and it made me sad. Too much love in the air... I'm doing my best with PL this week. I'm trying to understand him and to be nicer to him. But sometimes I just can't help it. The things he says sometimes just make me sick! He can be so much a pessimist. But he's not just pessimist, he says things like:"It's the way it is, I can't do nothing about it, I'm not good enough." That makes me angry! It's not just that he's saying stuff like that, the tone in his voice is saying "I don't even care" and that is what makes me sick. I don't understand why he talks like that. I too feel that way sometimes, like I can't do something good and everything is going bad. But there is a way of saying things like that. What is the point of saying it like we don't care? I tried to tell him today, to make him understand that this wasn't a funny way to express this feeling, that I didn't like when he was speaking like that. But I'm not sure it's gonna help. Everytime I try to express how I feel about things he said, he always jokes about that after. So, if one day I'm feeling all pessimist, I KNOW he's gonna say something like "You don't have to be so pessimist. That's not the right attitude. Show me some optimism" I know that's what I said to him and that he will be teasing me about it. But I can't understand why. I mean, girls always joke about how guys have difficulties showing their true feelings. But, is it that true? Is it so difficult for him, that everytime something goes bad, he will respond by saying "I'm just a loser" ? Someone please help me understand that!!! Let's just say all this is not helping my feeling towards him. If I knew him better I could answer him when he says stuff like that, I could say "stop speaking like that, you know you're better than that". But all the time I knew him he always spoke like that... so I'm starting to feel like he really is a loser(!) Oh damn, listen to me I'm so mean. Tonight he was getting on my nerves. Three fields of study at school will, maybe, get fused into just one. And that means for us, probably another diploma (two more years in school) and a lot more work than we planned. That's ok by me, I'm just afraid I'll have troubles getting into the new program because of my grades. But, nothing is sure for now so I'm not thinking too much about it. But he was all paniced (sp?) about it saying "other classes, other exams, I'm sick and tired of it". That was too much for me. I told him if he was so tired of it, maybe he should drop out and become a trucker! I know, that was maybe a little too much. He didn't like it I think. But damn it, I can't stand people who are always complaining to others. I mean, I'm complaining over here but nobody reads it anyway. I'm not always crying about me being not good enough, etc. Geez get some self-confidence!!! I think I'll buy him a book on that :S... not sure that would help though. Anyway, I think that's enough for tonight.. if anyone does read this, please tell me if I'm asking too much or if I have the right to be upset?
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