2004-05-13 I think that's what I'll do... for now So right now I'm hanging around at work trying not to go crazy... There's nothing worst than to have nothing to do at work. I work at a caf� (I already said it, I think) and since winter semester has ended, there's no one. Not a single soul around here in the building. Well, during lunch it's not so bad, but right now at 5:23 PM it's really boring. Thank god I'm closing in an hour! I could do a little cleaning but I'm too lazy. I have a three days weekend this week and I just want this week to end. I've been doing a lot of thinking last night. And I've been to the conclusion that I want to make things good with PL. So I'm gonna try to give our relationship a chance... How did I come to this conclusion? Well, I don't know exactly. There was something in the tone of his voice yesterday when I talked to him on the phone... He said he missed me, and he was being so nice with me, so caring. I don't know. I hang up the phone and I thought to myself: "I am really being a bitch" So I'm gonna try to be nicer to him. I know he deserves it. Only one question remains: Is this what I really want? I think so, but I can't be sure. I mean, I've dream about Nic all week long... maybe it means nothing, but maybe it only means that I still wish something would happen between us. I know it is silly. And there's really not so many chances we go back together one day or another. It's just...... All this time I thought he was the one. All these years I saw myself with him for all my life. It's not so easy to forget all these thoughts... I just want to be as honest as possible with me. Yeah I know it's weird not being totally honest with my ownself... But I'm sure everyone once had this feeling. This feeling of trying to hide something from ourselves. Well. I'm rambling. See you next time
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