2002-02-05 What the ****? Oh boy! What has started to be a good week end, ended up in a mess! Saturday a friend of mine (Marie-Andr�e) gave birth to a really beautiful girl, and two friends of mine and I went to the hospital to see her. The night was ok, but I was really frustrated because when I'm with these two girls (Annie and Stef) I just feel really like outta place. It's ok when I'm alone with Stef or with Annie, but when they are both there, I feel like completly ignored.. Any way, we headed for the hospital at 7pm and only left at 9:15, some people would say it's ok but: I HATE HOSPITALS!!! It makes me sick! In the evening I tried to call Nic to see him afterwards, but he wasn't home. So I got back to the room wishing to leave as soon as possible; I was getting nautious. So we were goin back to the car and Annie asked: What are we doin now? I said that I was just gonna go home because I was really tired (and yes, I was, The whole hospital thing - really not for me, I needed some air! and of course I was really tired of being alone on the back seat of the car, really not into the conversation! But I didn't say that to them) Stef said that she would just make a little stop inside to go to the bathroom and smoke a cigarette. So we arrived at my house, and Annie jumped on the phone as the usual...she hung up and try to take it again, but the phone started ringing so she answered it (at that time it was like 9h45). It was Nic. I started to talk to him, but the girls went out of my room taking their coats, so I told him I called him back. I went to say goodnight to the girls, and yes I was maybe a little more enthousiastic than earlier in the evening. I called back Nic, and went to his house to watch a movie. I was working the next day, and in my lunch hour, I called Annie to talk to her and maybe do something in the evening. She sounded really upset on the phone so I asked what was goin on, and she answered me: I really shouldn't tell you this but be careful. I said what? (she was beggining to make me think of my mother!) She said that I was down all night, and then Nic calls and I'm feeling happy. She said that it seemed that I was just waiting for his call to be happy. A lot of things passed my mind at that moment, and I thought: I'm not as desperate as you to wait for a call. But I just said: I would not wait for his calls because if I want to talk to him, I just have to call him. It's that simple! She made it clear that she didn't believe me, and that she believe that I looked desperate. So she said : Have a nice day Isa... and I hung up. I was getting close to start crying. I called Nic to ask him to do somethin on the evening because I really needed to talk to someone and I explained my story to him. The bad thing in that story is not what Annie told me, because maybe I deserved that a little. The thing is that SHE, a lot of times, did the same thing to us, even worst. Like getting to my house because the three of us were hangin out that night, and just leave 10 minutes after to see her Max. Or just dumped us in a bar on a Anne-Marie's birthday party, to meet some new friends she met at her Art School. She do this all the time. She just go where nobody knows with anybody and we don't hear from her until a few months. Since high school (4 years ago)she always did that sort of thing, and not once (ok maybe once) we told her how bad it was to do that. And how much we didn't like that. Any way I don't think that I count that much for her, she never calls me. I'm always the one who calls. And you can be sure that I won't call her back after the talk we had. The worst thing is that Stef, is surely thinking the same thing, and without these two, I really don't have much friends... My only friend left is my ex-and I sleep with him, not really a wonderful friendship! But if I lose him too, I will be really alone! I mean I have friends at college, but they're not that close... It's bad. I've been having nightmares about Annie, since two days. I wake up alone in my bed feelin really lonely....
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