2003-06-22 What happened last night? So what happened last night after I added an entry about him? He went online and said hello. My heart was beating like hell. It was the first time I "talked" to him in two weeks. He said: What are you doing up so late ? I didn't answer that because I thought it was not worth it. He said that it was Fred's birthday and that it was just over so he went to check his emails. At first I thought, well I don't care I don't even know who Fred is, but then I realised that he was his step brother... Anyway, he told me, and I quote: "So good night, sorry for everything I don't want you to get mad or to hurt you" And he went offline Why on heart would he say something like that?? It's bad enough that he's hurting me but then he say he don't want to! And getting offline before I had the chance to say something. (Maybe it was good for him because the only thing I wanted to add was "Fuck yourself") During the last two weeks I thought he didn't even realize that he was doing something wrong, that he was hurting me. Because that is what he does, he doesn,t realize these things normally. Well maybe not always...Anyway, I cried myself to sleep last night and dreamt about him all night. I woke up like ten times feeling really bad. When I got up this morning I did something I should've done a long time ago: I took his off my messenger list and I blocked him, so I won't panic anymore because I see him going online, and he won't be able to IM me. Of course he still can email me or call me but I don't think that's gonna happen a lot. Damn, I'm almost crying again...I got to do something today that will keep me from crying...I feel so tired My mom is coming back home today and I know she will see how bad I look and she will ask what's going on. I don't want to answer her, I don't want to be like that. I'm so tired of being like that
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