2002-01-30 ................................. I have nothin to say really, I'm just really depressed right now. I had some weird dreams about Nic again... He didn't call me last night and I am really tired of waiting for him. I feel like an idiot, wasting my time to wait after him, think about him. When he obviously, think of me as a friend, nothing more. I just don't understand why he told me all these things if he wasn't interested. And if he was at the time and he changed his mind, why can't he just tell me he thought about it(at least, it would help me a lot). But no, he acts like he never said anything, and he keeps acting like a friend. Damn it! I spent two nights at his house with him and his father! This was weird enough to make me feel like we were back together. It's been a month since he called me back...it's been three months since we broke up. And I think that a month is plenty of time to make up his mind. Any way, even if he has not make up his mind about that, he could at least tell me that he's fucked up! Sometimes, I think, well if I was in his shoes, I wouldn't talk about it, I would wait for the other person to ask questions. So maybe that's what he does, he's waiting for me to talk about it. But I'm scared, I don't know where to start. I don't want to call him, since I'm the one who called him yesterday. I broke the rule (which is sayin that I'm not calling him two times in a row) once, that's enough. And when I'm with him, I don't want to spoil the time we have. Which is really dumb, because sometimes we are just talking in his room...
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