2004-05-10 Well, well, well So what's up with me? Nothing much really. Two weeks ago Nic called me back to catch up. It was really nice of him. For the past three months I felt like we never could talk again and I was really sad our relationship ended up that way, without any explanations. We haven't talked since but it's ok, I didn't expect us to be best friends or talk every day. But at least I know that he still exists and that he hasn't forgot all about me. Now, what about me and PL ? Remember last september? I wasn't sure about he and I. I was afraid I'd get bored if we were a couple. Well, the time has arrived. I mean, I'm not sure if I'm really in love with him... We had a fight last week, and I took the week end to think about what I felt. A few days later, I was missing him so I called him back to see if we could talk. We did. It seemed alright at the time. I mean, I was confident we could work it out. I was happy with my decision. That was last monday. We spent Friday night together and we had a great time. I slept at his house like we usually do on the week ends and it was ok. Well, I don't want to give too much details, but it's not really working great he and I, sexually. And Friday wasn't an exception. But I thought, nothing new, and it's not that bad after all. I guess it will be better some day. So, the thing is: We have a great time together, most of the time. But I can't help it. I feel like we are more friends than anything else. I mean, he is MY friend more than my boyfriend. I'm not sure he feels the same way... I do not have the craving to see him, or when I'm with him I do not feel attracted to him like I know I would normally feel. I think it's not really a good sign, isn't it? I don't know what I'm gonna do. I'm letting things go naturally for now, but I know it can't last forever. I need passion in a relationship, I need butterflies in my stomach when I think about my boyfriend or when I'm alone with him. And right now, I'm not getting any of this.
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